Beautifully written, suspenseful and very sad. I can’t help but feel anger at your wife, taking family help (that excludes Dad) over bonding Dad with the your new baby. The easy way out, I guess. When family and rituals take precedence over and exclude the dad I really gotta wonder about the glue for your marriage and how long it will hold. We had two kids and I had no help at all when they were born, dad being a resident in surgical training and neither set of grandparents interested in traveling to us to help out. Resentful? Hell yes. But I made my bed and then lay in it. Alone for the most part, except when I had to get up and feed one of the babies (two years apart, not twins thank god ). What doesn’t kill is makes us stronger I guess. I am a tough old battle axe now. Divorced. Kids and I rarely speak. Your story is not about me of course but it is sad painful and lovely to hear a good dad’s side of the birth story. (NB: I know a lot of American women who can’t take a crap without consulting their mothers, or enlisting their aid, FWIW).